There is the learning, and hte vibration. On one hand the techniques, the habits, on the other, sheer passion. The muse.
One can be taught, the other ? Most people don’t know. SO they find her elusive. But the muse is to be found in the lover’s energy. A profound desire to become intimate with your subject…to the point of becoming one with it. It does involve unbridled sexuality, but it is so much more.
It is the primary instinct of creation. It is raw, powerful, at times overwhelming and destructive. It is not acquired, it is awakened. It is the Graal for the artist, because she becomes magnetic, as well as all of her creations. But one needs to tread carefully with the energy of the scorpio. Passion is vibrancy, aliveness, spiritual ecstasy. But in the same vein, it has to be balanced with heart energy otherwise it will end in destruction.
When my lover’s energy awakened for the first time, I was overwhelmed with feelings of love, passion and sexuality. I was in love with love, so much so that I was obsessed by my lover. Just hearing his voice and my heart would beat erratically for minutes. I couldn’t focus on work or my daily responsibilities -all my thoughts were occupied by him- to the point of addiction. I was highly insecure when he didn’t answer my messages for hours, or when he was out with friends. I always imagined the worst. I was an addict, in total dependency of this new love drug. I hated that. I had no more control over myself. Eventually our love became ugly. Our shadows surfaced in full force, our egos fought and descended to hell. How can the purest love coexist with so much darkness. One could argue that if it was not love, then love was never there to start with.
But this would be a misunderstanding of the law of polarity. Love is what we all seek. Love with a capital L. Beyond its romantic representations, we look for a feeling so pure and innocent. As soft and precious as a baby bird. Something so rare that we would protect with all our might. And when we encounter it, we can’t just ignore it. As soon as we are touched with that gift, there is no way back. Our soul demands it and won’t rest until it basks in it.
But in order to attain it or more exactly to return to it, it will eliminate everything that is not aligned with it. It is an all-or-nothing kind of deal. We can’t be halfway in and halfway out. The divine is ultimate. Absolute. All fear has to subside.
Lover’s energy is demanding and possessive: as a spiritual path, it commands love in full consciousness. That is an intimate relationship with self, in all vulnerability and truth, and to cultivate a daily conversation with life and all of her beings. Is is the descent of Inanna. Her stripping away of the unreal and unworthy in the face of love: the need to be liked, loved or being special. The quest of self through external answers.
Her gift is limitless creativity, a transcendent love of life and pure joy.
It is the Holy grail - a heart constantly fulfilled and showered with blessings.
But resist that path, and your soul will feel like it is tormented till the end of time. Always seeking, always missing something.
It goes like this: I can’t sleep because I’m excited. I can’t sleep because I am inspired. I guess I just don’t want to sleep because I feel alive like I’ve never felt before Sweet torture…I just know my soul needs your soul oike no other, Only
That is on a good day. On a bad one: WHy don’t you answer me WHy can’t you make up your mind Why do I need you. I hate this I can’t bear this anymore. But the soul doesn’t wait, and it doesn’t fear either, It creates relentlessly, loving and loving into creation, weaving never to stop…channeling it all into life. The thirst as a source of inspiration.
He didn’t do this to me. He came to me, brought me back from the dead. It was written. Our crazy, crazy love was written in the stars, all part of a higher plan. And we need not ask why and feel doomed by the seal of fate? Rather blessed for he is here, and that the alternate would be unbearable to me. At least he loves me back , with a love that transcends time and distance
And it is ok for me to feel sad, scared, angry but I should never doubt the sacred truth that underlies it all.
The only way is through.
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