Last year, I lost a dear cousin to an incurable rare form of cancer. He was only 44 years-old, leaving a wife and two young children behind and countless friends. My aunt is my dad’s sister, and I’m really close to her: she has always been a warm presence in my life, exptremely supportive and caring in key moments of my life. I really wanted to bring her comfort in this difficult time. So I went to search online about grief, and here is a definition I found and that stuck with me: “Grief is all the love that you were not able to express.”
It is not about trauma, it is not about the life event - Missing someone is not so much about being in her presence or basking in that person’s energy. And so we think that we need a new relationship to heal, but really, it is about circulating that extra amount of love energy.
It is funny how the ego works. After studying it for decades, I finally understood why people argue, and why those who seem to love each other the most break up.
The soul only wants one thing, and that thi We all understnad we need to live this very question: Who am I ? life is not a rhetoric question, it is one to experiment, where we need to push the edges of ourselves, (by the way, most of us only push it according to one dimension - resilience & performance). What happens then is that we end up frustrated always pushing the limits but never getting an inch closer to the answer. And so we ask and ask, we seek all types of profile assessment. We keep confusing the concept of ‘being’ with attributes that are biased and subjective anyways: patient, strong, observant, aloof, hot-tempered…etc…but that merely reflects the truth, worse, it actually means nothing since everybody is ore or less any of those qualities.
And yet the answer is very simple and I can prove it. We are love. Not made of love, but love. And before you object to this, let me ask you something: what hurts you more: to be rejected when you express your love or when you hold back and won’t say ‘I love you’ out-of-fear to be rejected? Exactly. When we get rejected, it is painful, but we can move on. When we can’t be ourselves and keep all that love for ourselves, we feel miserable…up until we declare or get to demonstrate our love.
Do you know what I have discovered coaching and healing others ? I discovered that the only disease of the soul is when the soul has stopped loving. Like all energies, love needs to circulate. All I’ve ever heard from clients and friends was how much love they have to give, and yet nobody to receive it. It hurts.
I still remember my most painful breakups: After the initial shock from the separation, the hardest was the lingering feeling of love and missing the other person, and not knowing what to do with all that love. That is why we ‘stalk’ the person and invent excuses to talk or to see her, we still want to love her.
We all want love but we find all excuses to not have it. But honestly love doesn’t care about all this. When you love, even when the loved one does something ‘wrong’, we still love them actually. Because we don’t love someone because of something. We may cherish them more because of their kindness and how they make us feel, but mostly we either love or don’t. And when we love, we seek to understand what need or desire the other person actually tried to fulfill. It doesn’t mean that we condone the behaviour and don’t expect them to change, but truly we know change
(by the way I don’t quite understand the whole concept of forgiveness). Forgiveness entertains the point of you that somebody hurts you on purpose. On purpose being the keyword here. But really, we as human beings are so unaware about everything - especially about our own feelings and thoughts and also the fact that those very thoughts and emotions are informing our words and actions, that we could hardly be held responsible for intent.
But I believe most of us don’t know which question The question that we al It seems that the eg